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It was March 2004. Scott announced during band practice, "Hey, I'm gonna go up the street for some Budweiser and I'll be right back." He got in his truck, took off and we haven't seen him since. He even took some beer money that we loaned him. For shame. For the life of us, we can't figure out why he left and why he hasn't come back. We bought deodorant and everything. We have our theories of course. Someone told us he was running as a write-in candidate for President (his running mate was some pharmaceutical executive named Zeke Greenbud, I believe). Some say he's running around in the New Mexico desert wearing a tin foil hat, chasing aliens, and screaming "Hey dumbass! You're from California, aren't you? I can tell by the way you drive that flying saucer!". Whatever the reason, if you come across our long lost Scott, be wary. He should be considered armed and dangerous. He's been known to do some creative demolition of people's jugulars if you accidentally knock his Roland V pedal out of Drop D tuning. But he's easily calmed with a Bud Light and profanity-filled jokes about Democrats. For the most part, he's just a sweet, sweet misunderstood pussycat. Will you please help us? Please call (800) I-LUV-SCOT if you see our long lost guitar player. We'd offer a reward, but we're poor ass musicians. We really miss him.But really... we just want our beer money back.
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